President George W. Bush settled the question of who will be the Republican candidate to succeed him by deciding to seek the office again himself. “The twenty-second amendment don’t apply,” he told reporters this morning. “I don’t understand all the ir mumbo-jumbo, but that’s what my law boys tell me. You’ll have to talk to them.”
When questioned, White House legal representatives stated that they are certain they can argue successfully that their client was not legally elected in 2000 and that, thus, if elected in 2008, Bush will not have been elected more than twice to the office of president, as prohibited by the 22nd amendment. Independent legal authorities and legal representatives of other potential Republican candidates conceded that this may well be true but that the question must be tested through the courts.
The White House lawyers also contend that the section of the amendment permitting only a single election for any “person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected” is not a barrier because the large amount of time the president spent on vacation should not apply as serving as president. Other legal authorities agree that no one could probably argue successfully against the presidential lawyers’ contentions on this issue.
The president ended the interview with the statement, “Why, heck, I believe that I’m up to taking a lot more vacation if I need to to qualify.”
Supreme Court representatives refused to comment except with groans; however, one of the more-religious justices was overheard to mumble, “If God lived, this wouldn’t happen to me,” while an agnostic member of the court muttered, “Oh God, help us.”
Senator Joseph Lieberman, often mentioned as a candidate for the Democratic nomination in 2008, expressed his reluctance to run, if the Republicans nominate Mr. Bush again, because he is in such close agreement with the president on so many issues. He concedes that he might run as Mr. Bush’s vice president, if asked.
Senator Hillary Clinton, who has been busily amassing donations, apparently for a 2008 campaign, refused to say whether she would be a candidate for the Democratic nomination; however, she did say, “Mr. Bush’s legal advisors have been wrong on every constitutional issue so far; why wouldn’t they be on this one?” A Clinton staffer, speaking off the record, revealed that Mrs. Clinton was preparing to address the issue in an immediate mailing to voters in all fifty states.
Meanwhile, former President Bill Clinton, whom reporters found chatting up a young female staff member, stated, “I’ve analyzed the bases of the White House legal team’s opinions carefully, and I believe they are sound. And you know, it appears that, without realizing it, they have demonstrated that a former two-term president can constitutionally be elected vice president and can succeed to the office of president.” Mr. Clinton was overheard to whisper to an advisor, “Man, we’ve got to find some loser to head the ticket with me in 2008. It’ll be great to get back in office. I have ideas for putting the nation back on track. And . . . for getting some action, the White House is the best babe magnet that I’ve ever found.”